This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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