The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
