Don't make out with my wife yet
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
