It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
