I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
