pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
