I checked into jail on foursquare
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
