I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You pole danced in your parka.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
