I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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