Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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