What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
