Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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