Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
