Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
