am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
