he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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