Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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