I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
