I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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