its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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