the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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