i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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