I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
