You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
