Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
