So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
