I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
