You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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