Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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