I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
