I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
