don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
