I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
