So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
