Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
