dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
