i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
