I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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