i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
