No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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