Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
