So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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