Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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