hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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