dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
