The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
