god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
