I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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