just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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