the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
