what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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