Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
