how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
