Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
