you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
